60+ most rude puns & one liners: Use at your own risk with mean people

If you followed my previous posts, you will see that i wrote on elephant punscow puns or funny adult puns but now we will switch to an aggressive mode, by writing on rude puns. You would tell me why be so mean? But sometimes you need to be a bit rude to those mean persons in your environment as they dont understand when you do it the polite way. Hahahumor has brought to you this list of the most rude puns and one  liners which you can use at free will against mean people.

Rude Puns which are Mostly Savage

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Some Rude One Liners You Might Use

You’ve got two brain cells: one is in a wheelchair and the other one is pushing.

I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

He doesn’t know the meaning of fear… but then again, he doesn’t know the meaning of MOST words.

My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren’t that lonely.

Marriage is all about compromise. For example, today I agreed to never sit in certain chairs in exchange for one chair I can sleep in.

Wife: “Honey? What do you think about my teeth?” Husband: “They remind me of stars… yellow and far apart.”

Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

Stupidity comes in all shapes and sizes. Some of them even look like people.

My wife complained that the vacuum sucks too hard on the rugs and I made a joke… anyway, I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.

My girlfriend’s such a bad cook, she uses the smoke alarm as a timer.

Teacher: “Are you sleeping in my class?” Student: “Well now I´m not but if you could be a little quieter I could.”

Girl, are you a modern day savings account because I keep investing money in you but I’m not getting much interest.

My daughter wants to be really scary this Halloween so instead of a costume, she is going to carry a school fundraising packet to every door.

Told my girlfriend that my mom is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Told my mom that my girlfriend is retarded…

Google is definitely a woman, it starts suggesting things before you can even finish your sentence.

To make mistakes is human. To blame someone else for your problem, is strategic.

Sorry I didn’t respond to you just now. I was doing something productive and not wasting my precious time with your lowlife speeches.

I don’t think you are stupid. You just have a bad luck when thinking.

You are so ugly if they laid you on the beach, not even the tide would take you.

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all stupid people.

I’m drawn toward women who are beautiful when they are angry because once we start dating that’s how they’ll look 90% of the time.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you’re ugly too.

Why did God make man before woman? You need a rough draft before you have a final copy.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

I don’t think you act stupid, I’m sure it’s the real thing.

It’s been raining for 3 days without stopping. My wife is in depression, she is standing and looking through the window. If the rain doesn’t stop tomorrow, I’ll have to let her in.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

I’m blonde. What’s your excuse?

There’s nothing like the joy on a kid’s face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.

Greedy for More! Here comes more Rude One Liners

You’re like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

Two wrongs don’t make a right, take your parents as an example.

When a woman says “what?” It’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s just giving you a chance to change what you said.

You sound a lot like the Terms and Conditions, that’s why I don’t give a shit about what you have to say.

It’s better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

You have two parts of brain, ‘left’ and ‘right’. In the left side, there’s nothing right. In the right side, there’s nothing left.

Just asked my wife what she’s “burning up for dinner” and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings.

Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, six should be enough.’

My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that…

Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you’re slowly looking worse.

I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here.

An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”

Please go play with your brother. That’s basically the reason we had him.

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